Essay Writing 3
In the 3rd Essay Writing task we were to bring in a more developed piece of writing that was then peer analysed. The feedback from these sessions in my opinion is really helpful and getting a different person's insight each week is a new but helpful experience when writing the essay question.
The main feedback I got from the essay was that that the opening was strong, audience is gripped from the start, the use of facts and examples with rhetorical questions are effective and thoughts and opinions are used well. It was noted that I need to work on creating a reference list to match in-text referencing and that I need to expand on some points and messages.
In the second half of the lecture we learned about describing artwork as we will at some point in the essay have to include a picture or video for example. This will have to be explained to link in with the context and relevant nature of the essay. As part of the seminar task, we watched two video clips. We were then tasked to draw 4 key points within the short clips and then describe these points in the video. The main outcome was very interesting because by doing this we actually described the plot and outcomes of the videos in great detail. The writing was effective and worked better than simply describing the video upfront. This is a good skill that I learnt and will definitely take it forward within describing artwork within future coursework or essays.
Here are the outcomes:
"The story begins with a father and daughter cycling happily on the top of a hill. After leaving their bikes, the daughter realises that her father is sailing away. Hurt and upset at this, the daughter eagerly returns everyday in hope to see the arrival of her Father. After arriving one day, the daughter unfortunately finds that water has dried. In a last effort search, she finds her Father's derelict boat in the dry sea bed floor. Laying in the wreckage, the old and now frail woman reminisces about the time she spent with her father."
"A Mysterious opening scene; dim lighting in a black and white effect makes for a sombre setting displaying the short film title. After picking up the phone, the man proceeds to slam the receiver into a jug of water. An air bubble rises from the phone, hinting that mysterious behaviour is at play. The figure then chases a smaller version of himself - running around the cluttered and darkly lit room. The last scene shows the figure grow in size, looking back on himself unknowingly.
